Today’s prompt for #9DaysofWomanhood implores you to talk about the 1st year being a mom!
-Why did I call it THAT first year-
It is a defining moment when you decide to conceive, and being Pregnant is the best time a Mom can have because if you are like me, the 1st year makes you so strong, yet so vulnerable and so hat t without you ever realizing it.
When I retrospect on that time, which I do quite often, I remember clearly that I was struggling through a huge emotional roller coaster. That was a very bad time, and not the best time to have conceived! I got pregnant and truth be told, thinking of the baby brought a new and welcome purpose to my life. I was all charged up to be the “Coolest Mom Ever”, but the pregnancy even though uneventful, wasn’t a happy one mentally.
SO the truth is, even with all the help that I needed I wasn’t in a good position mentally when my 1st baby was born!
I did not feel any connect with my new born. Yes I was his MOM, and yes I walked around with him in my womb for 9 long months, but the day he was born and for quite sometime after it, I couldn’t bond!
What was the reason for it?
Honestly I have no idea!!
I suffered physically with breastfeeding. I had too much milk, but my son wouldn’t drink which led me having to squeeze it out. Which made me depressed thinking I wasn’t doing enough to feed him, I was failing or Falling – I couldn’t decide.
My son dropped his initial weight in the 2nd month because he was not breast feeding to his capacity. Which was again depressing. Because I had so much excess milk that I fell sick
I think things started settling, when the bubba turned 3 months and started breastfeeding well enough to gain weight and be less cranky! Exactly on July 13th, I breastfed him without crying out. Till that day because of cut/ bleeding nipples I cried every single time he tried to suck milk. I never looked forward to feeding him till then. And believe me, I tried everything that my Doctor suggested. EVERYTHING.
Sometimes people ask me why was I so hell bent on Breastfeeding, I could have formula fed him. These people have witnessed the plight that I was in. And I always said, that if I hadn’t got the milk that was needed, I would have gone ahead, i wasn’t against Formula – feeding. But when I had excess milk oozing out and baby that wouldn’t suck it in, I felt I wasn’t doing enough 🙁
The rest of the journey after the Breastfeeding got easy and was like a fairly easy journey. I bonded with my baby, and was able to enjoy him too <3 During my 2nd Pregnancy, I had the same issues but I was mentally stronger and more prepared than ever. So even though my BFing was hard, I bonded with my girl easily <3
And if you read this and are where I was, believe me – if you have tried whatever the experts told you to do and it is still not getting better, hang in there – it is going to get better. And don’t let anyone pull you down for your choices or for whatever you do; because YOU come first, then your family, then everything else in this world!
So if you are going through a hard time, talk about it, talk and trust me even if you can’t find any solutions, it eases your pain a bit.